X Factor week 2

It’s No Vibe, who are doing With Or Without You – a bit uptempo than usual so the kids will like it, while on individual naughty steps so that they can’t kick off. Oh no – they’ve come off onto the stage and they still look like they hate each other. On first … must be in danger of going.

Oh great – I Will Always Love You? Isn’t it time that someone banned this from X Factor? To her credit, Sami said that she idolises Jane McDonald. Which is good as its provided an alternative image in my head for her than Peter Kay in drag.

Craig’s doing a Beyonce song about how much she hates her ex-boyfriend. This is really odd and awful. He has also started pointing at the audience. It’s actually mildly threatening. I don’t like it.

Now it’s time for Janet. I don’t know what song Janet’s singing, but it’s all tender and hushed, and a bit wonky. Gary says that Janet is a great translator of music. And she is. She translates into some language I don’t understand.

Back to the boys. It’s Frankie Bonham Carter, who I’m slightly worried about. No, it’s because he cant sing and no amount of dressing up like a Troll doll can make up for that. Could he be in trouble this week? Coldplay, Frankie? Really?

Next is Dot Cotton. Dot has decided to do Can’t Get You Out Of My Head dressed as a geisha. Its the Mikado meets Freddy Krueger and i’m just trying to work out how racist this is. As for the rubbing of lamps, the best quick comeback ever heard on X Factor.

Back with the boys – and it’s Marcus who is doing Russian Roulette, a Rihanna song about murdering yourself to death. Meanwhile in the background, some poverty-stricken, barely-clothed dancers huddle around a brazier and pray for the good old days of Same Difference & Wagner. Not a bad effort with the song though.

Rhythmix are doing I’m Like A Bird by Nelly Furtado. They’ve been more styled this week – sadly as Cher Lloyd. But they’ve got a plan to stop people noticing how bad they are, which seems to consist of shouting & wailing constantly.

It’s Misha B. She’s a star, and she’s miles ahead of anyone else this year. Charles And Eddie disguised as a Quality Street – pure class.

X Factor is pushing The Risk as the boyband that the girls like. Well this was ok, certainly better than No Vibe – had some potential or has my mind been numbed by the previous horrors?

Now it’s time for Sophie – forgettable image, styled as the before girl on the Special K ad – singing a song I didn’t recognise. It wasn’t awful – but she is on late on so should be ok.

This is it – the potential highlight, Jedward are in the audience and Kitty the stripper is next, doing that famous love song It’s Oh So Quiet. This has the potential to be a lot more mental than last week, and I’m all for that.

She’s performing at a table themed like Alice In Wonderland. It’s loud and rocky and Kitty flails around with fantastic abandon and it ends up being fairly disturbing. I love it !!

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